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Patience

Notes: I've generally taken great steps not to overly feminize the guys, but I think I've slipped over the edge on this one, folks. If that's going to bug you, you may want to give this one a pass.




I wake up with a bit of a start when the warm, naked, definitely male body slips into bed next to me. Just as I open my mouth to say something, I feel long fingers press against my mouth and soft lips brush against my ear.

"No talking," Simon's voice whispers in my ear. "Hold me. Just hold me," There is a distinct pause before the next word and it comes out quieter than the rest, "Please."

That last word stuns me. No matter how much I tease him about his pretty shoes and his pretty face, I know the Doc ain't weak, I know he's got a lot of pride. Him lyin' here next to me, pleadin' for me ta hold him - it's a big deal. So I wrap my arms around him, cradle his head against my chest, and just hold him. I stroke the smooth skin of his back gently and after a few minutes I hear his breathin' change as he falls asleep.

When I wake up the next morning, he's gone, and I'm thinkin' mebbe I dreamed it all, 'cause he don't say nothin' ta me all day, but it happens again that night, and again for the rest of the week. I don't know what he's up to, or why he's comin' ta me of all people, but I ain't about to chuck him out I like havin' him there in my arms. But I'd really like ta know what's goin' on, so I corner him in the infirmary one afternoon.

"Simon," I say quietly as I approach him. "I think we gotta talk about what's been goin' on."

He turns to me, but doesn't look me in the eye. "Do you want me to stop coming?" He says quietly.

"Hell no," I say and tilt his head up so I can see his eyes. I stroke his cheek gently and continue, "But it's kinda hard havin' you there, naked, in my arms every night, and not even be allowed ta talk, let alone..." I trail off, not wantin' ta use the crude words that come ta mind, not wantin' ta make him flinch. "I want..." And I'm stuck again.

His face goes all serious and I start ta get worried, 'cause I think that mebbe he's gonna tell me ta leave and he's gonna stop comin' at night, and I really don't want that. "How much do you want me Jayne?" Simon asks softly, his gray-green eyes staring into mine. "Enough to wait? Enough to wait until I'm ready, until I'm able to trust you? I've been hurt a lot in the past..."

He trails off and his eyes cloud over as he relives painful memories and at that moment I want to find each and every person that ever hurt him and put a hurtin' on them. Except that I'm one of 'em. Two years since him and his crazy sister came on board, a year and a half since I betrayed them and we worked out our differences, and now he's standin' here talkin' about trust and bein' hurt. I feel kinda sick, knowin' he's got good reason not to trust me. But I also know that I do want him, want him so much that sometimes I don't fall asleep for hours after he shows up, my body achin' for his. And I know I'll never betray him or his sister again. The money ain't ever gonna be good enough ta tempt me again.

"Patience ain't exactly my strong suit, Simon," I reply, cupping his cheek with my hand. "But for you, I'll do my best."

"That's all I can ask for," he says with a gentle smile and puts his hand over mine.

We stand there lookin' at each other for a few minutes, like we're both waitin' for somethin', and then I lean forward ta kiss him. I stop about halfway there, 'cause suddenly I'm scared that I'm about ta ruin it all, but then he arches up and his lips meet mine.

The kiss is soft, slow and gentle, barely more than a brushin' of our lips together, and it might just be the best kiss I've ever had.