Compromising Positions | Into the Black | Contact

Shot Through the Heart

Thanks to: Brenda, my wonderful beta, corrupter of the last vestiges of my innocence. Any remaining spelling or grammar mistakes are mine. And to the people that encouraged me to continue the series.

Series: Beautiful Eyes

Sequel to: Interludes

"Simon," comes Wash's voice over the intercom.

"Yes," I respond with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Grab your medkit and get to the entry hatch. They're coming in hard and fast."

"How bad?" I feel sicker and sicker, something in Wash's tone telling me I wasn't going to like his next words.

He pauses, takes a deep breath, and then says, "Bad. It's Jayne - he's been shot. Just get down there."

I'm standing there with my medkit surrounded by the rest of the crew when Mal and Zoe drag Jayne's unconscious form up the ramp. All three are covered in his blood. My heart stops and in an instant, my vision narrows to a single point - Jayne, lying on the deck, blood seeping out of a wound in his chest. My vision swirls and starts to go black.

"Whoa, Doc," says Wash as he catches my arm and gives me a little shake.

I'm just standing there, staring blankly, as Mal describes what happened. "Chest wound, straight through; think the bullet hit a lung. Me and Zoe tried to patch him up, but we had to get out of there fast." I'm still just standing there focussed on Jayne, mind filling with white noise. I'm vaguely aware of the others bustling around him, trying to stop the flow of blood.

"Doc? Doc? Are you listening?" I can feel Mal's hands on my arms and hear the annoyance in his voice, but I don't turn to look at him. I'm watching the blood ooze across Jayne's chest, horrified.

In the back of my mind I know I should do something, that I can help, but I'm frozen, fascinated by the contrast of the red blood on his green t-shirt. That gorram green shirt - the one he was wearing when I first kissed him in the corridor - the shirt I both love and hate - hate because it's worn and ugly, love because it's his. It is beyond repair now, torn to shreds and soaked in blood.

The Captain gives me a little shake. "Doc, snap out of it, you have work to do." I barely hear his voice, lost in my own thoughts.

"Simon, sweetheart, listen to me," he says gently. The uncharacteristic endearment and tone of voice catches my attention, and my head starts to turn towards the Captain. He grabs my chin so that I can't turn to look back at Jayne.

"Focus on the sound of my voice. Do you hear me?" He asks softly, peering into my eyes. I force myself make eye contact and nod.

"Good. Now listen to me," his voice is still quiet. The Captain digs his hands into my arms just above the elbows. He gives me a hard shake that snaps my head back on its neck, and roars, "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT! You have a job to do, DOCTOR, and I suggest you get to it. I've got a man down and you have to patch him up."

Somehow, his voice breaks through the fog in my head, and suddenly I can feel my heart beating again and all my medical knowledge comes flooding back to me - I know what needs to be done.

It's early the next day. I'm sitting on a stool next to Jayne's unconscious form, holding his hand, eyes closed, head resting on the side of the medbed, exhausted. The operation took hours, even with Mal and Zoe helping me. Thank heavens that Wash is a universal donor - between him and Book I had just enough blood for the procedure.

"Hey, Doc," comes Mal's easy voice from the doorway, "How's he doing?"

"Pretty good, but he's not out of the woods yet," I say as I turn to look at him. "There was a lot of trauma, he may still..." I have to stop. I can't say the word die. If I say it, it could happen. I can feel the tears in my eyes and I try hard not to let them fall, but I'm just too tired to win that fight. As they begin to fall, Mal makes his way towards me.

"Hey, hey. It's O.K.," he says gently as he wraps an arm around my shoulder. I turn and press my face against his chest, muffling my quiet sobs. He brings up a hand to stroke my hair. "He'll be fine. You're a great doctor and you know Jayne's just too gorram mean to die." This gets a small laugh from me. I pull back and roughly wipe the tears from my cheeks, embarrassed by the weakness.

"Have you slept yet?" Mal asks. I shake my head. "Didn't think so. You look wiped out. You need to get some sleep."

I shake my head again. "I want to be here when he wakes up," I say tenaciously.

"You'll be no help, condition you're in," Mal says. He tugs on my arm until I stand up and leads me over to the couch in the corner. "You lie down here, get some rest. I'll stay with him. I will wake you if he so much as twitches, all right?" I realize that although Mal's request is phrased like a question, it's an order, so I make myself comfortable on the couch. The Captain fetches a pillow and a blanket and tucks me in, pausing to gently brush his fingers through my hair before returning to Jayne's bedside.

The last thing I see before sleep claims me is the Captain holding Jayne's hand in both of his, raising it to his lips for a gentle kiss.

I'm fiddling around in the medlab, checking supplies, tidying, anything so that I can stay hidden in here. Jayne's recovery has taken months and the better he gets, the more I avoid being alone with him. I make excuses not to be in his bunk - River needs me, it's too soon, he's still too weak - but the excuses are wearing thin. I just can't be near him. Every time I see the scar, I remember how he could have died, would have died if the Captain hadn't snapped me out of it.

I'm putting the inventory list away when I hear Jayne's heavy footsteps behind me

"So this is how it's gonna be?" he asks. I turn and he's leaning loosely against the door frame arms across his chest.


"You're just gonna walk away, pretend like it never happened, that we never happened. It's that easy for you," he says.

I stand there, and suddenly all the pain I've been feeling comes pouring out of me. "EASY!" I shout, "Easy? You think this is easy for me? It's breaking my heart, you bastard. But I can't, Jayne, I just can't....You almost DIED..." I have more to say, but he cuts me off.

"Got news for ya, Doc, everybody dies. This line a work we're in, maybe sooner than later. You think the thought of you goin' out before me don't twist my guts? Ever wonder why you ain't been off this tin can in over a month?" he asks. "Bein' this close to the edge makes a man want to hold on to what's special, not throw it away." He moves towards me and captures me in his arms before I can get away. I'm stunned into speechlessness by his words.

"I LOVE you, more 'n anyone or anything," he says passionately, pulling me close. "An' if you think for a minute that anythin' shorta death will make me let you go, you're nuttier than your sister." His kiss is gentle, moist, and warm. He teases my lips open with his tongue and then slides it into my mouth, exploring lightly - I taste the tobacco from his cigar. I melt into his arms, realizing this is where I want to be, need to be. Suddenly, he scoops me up and starts carrying me towards the door.

"Jayne," I say in my most reasonable tone, "put me down."

"Nope," comes the reply as he exits the medlab.

"Jayne..." I start to squirm in his arms. He tightens his grip around my body.

"Shut it. I ain't puttin' ya down, so just hang on and enjoy the ride." I recognize the stubborn tone in his voice and do as I'm told. I begin to nibble my way up and down his neck, flicking his earlobe with my tongue. He suppresses a soft moan and twitches his head away slightly.

"What?" I ask innocently, "You told me to enjoy the ride. That's what I'm doing." I pull his head back towards my questing mouth. Then I continue where I left off, pressing my lips against the quickening pulse beat in his neck. I begin to suck slowly, but strongly, determined to put my mark on him.

"I'm gonna get you for that," he mock-growls.

"Promises, promises," I quip back at him as we enter his room. He reaches back with one hand and shuts and locks the door, and then hops down the stairs carrying me to the foot of the bed where he finally puts me down.

As he starts unbuttoning my many layers of clothes, I work his shirt up and over his head. I reach out and gently caress the new scar on his chest, two inches from his heart.

"You do good work, darlin', hardly a mark," he says, continuing to help me out of my vest and shirt. I can't help thinking that if I had better supplies, there would be no scar at all. I lean forward and brush my lips against it. He wraps one arm around me, trailing his fingers down my spine, giving me chills and buries the fingers of his other hand in my hair. I run my hand up his torso and rub my thumb teasingly over his nipple. He twitches slightly. With feather-light kisses, I make my way across his chest and gently lap at the nub of flesh. Jayne's grip on my head tightens, holding me against him, his back arching into my work. I break free and slide my tongue up his throat, and then pull his head down for a long wet kiss. We help each other out of the rest of our clothes and begin exploring each other's bodies with hands, lips, and tongues. Everything is slow and gentle - it has been such a long time since it was just the two of us, I've almost forgotten how tender Jayne can be when we were alone.

We move to the bed and lay down and I pull Jayne on top of me, just to feel his weight and warmth on me. I wrap myself around him holding on as tight as I can, not able to get close enough, kissing his breath away. Our moans fill the room as we rub together. He pulls away to get the lubricant out of the drawer beside the bed and squirts some onto his hands. I am surprised when I feel his slick hands on my quivering cock. I look up at him with questioning eyes. Without answering, Jayne kisses me and gathers some pillows from the head of the bed and arranges them under his hips so that his bottom is angled up into the air. I am stunned. I had never asked for this, never dreamed he would offer it - especially not after seeing the Captain gently, but adamantly rebuffed the few times that he had tried.

"Just go slow," he says quietly, voice muffled by the bedding. "It's been a real damn long time."

I position myself behind him, running my hands all over his back and ass, reveling in the feel of his skin. Using some of the lube on my dick, I gently massage his taut opening, loosening him up. When my fingers touch him, Jayne's whole body jerks and he moans low in his throat. I'm throbbing and trembling with anticipation and desire, but I know I have to stay in control. I push myself into him a bit at a time, sliding my hands up his sides. He gasps hard when the head of my cock penetrates him, and then begins to shudder as I slide slowly deeper and deeper. Curving my body forward across his back, covering the smooth skin there in light kisses, I begin to pump. With each inward thrust, he moans and soon he is moving with me. I keep it slow and easy for as long as I can, but soon my body takes over and I start pushing harder and faster. Jayne's breath is coming in gasps now and his hands are twisting in the sheets. I rear back to hold his hips steady, slamming into him, saying his name over and over again. I'm caught in an enormous orgasm - my whole body twitching and jerking, my hands tightening hard enough to leave bruises on Jayne's hips, a breathless cry caught in my throat.

I fall forward against his back, panting for air, and slide myself out of him. Jayne rolls over and pulls me down next to him. He wraps me in his arms and kisses me softly, sucking lightly on my lower lip. His hands stroke my body lightly, tracing patterns in the sweat.

"Love you," he says hoarsely, voice filled with emotion.

"Love you more," I reply and pull him in for a long kiss. I reach down and run my fingers lightly up and down his erection.

Jayne rolls onto his back pulling me over with him. I straddle his hips as he applies lube to himself. Very slowly, I lower myself onto him, impaling myself inch by inch. His hands come up and cup my ass. I place my hands on his chest for leverage. We move together slowly at first. I lean forward to tease his lips with my tongue. He cups the back of my head and pulls himself up for a long passionate kiss, then returns his hand to my backside, where he starts to squeeze gently with both hands.

I like this position, it enables me to move my hips around, maximizing the pleasure of every jab and it allows me to look down into Jayne's eyes - I could drown in the desire I find there. I begin to ride him hard, making myself nearly mindless with pleasure as I force him deep into me again and again. I push back hard into a thrust, pressing my ass against his thighs, arch my back, and tighten the muscles surrounding his cock. His hips buck upwards off of the bed, and he cries my name as he spurts into me.

I fall forward limply, pressing my face against his chest as I catch my breath. His arms come up to surround me and he kisses the top of my head. I settle myself against his body, relishing the feel of his warm sweaty flesh against mine. I run my fingers through his chest hair.

"Jayne," I say softly.

"Hmm?" he's already half-asleep.

"I know it was my idea in the first place, but do you think Mal would mind if we asked him to stay least for a little while?" I ask in a quiet voice.

"Taken care of," he mumbles. "Talked to him 'fore I came to get ya. 'M done sharin'. Done sharin' for a good long time." He tightens his arms around me. I lift my head up to look into his eyes and smile my sweetest smile.

"Good," I say and pull forward for a kiss. I settle back against his chest, his heart beating against my cheek. As I lay there in his embrace and let the strong, steady beats lull me to sleep, I am nearly overwhelmed by the sense of peace and joy I feel from the knowledge that we are safe, alive, and together.